Working for God

Some of you may be aware that I work in computing. I have worked in Hewlett-Packard's Networking division for roughly 12 years. For much of that, I programmed router drivers in a computer language called 'C' and now I write networking software in a language called 'Java'. I don't work directly with customers and only big businesses buy the stuff I work on, so I can't point you at the latest HP printer/computer and say "I made that". You can, however, see a recent presentation I did here and some of the patents I've filed here. Don't worry, it sounds like jibberish to pretty much everyone, but it's what I call a job.

As you read this, you are probably either deciding on a career (school/training), working your way through a career (or supporting your spouse in theirs), or enjoying the fruits of your labor in retirement. Work is a large part of our lives. When we ask children "What do you want to be when you grow up?" they often answer with a chosen profession, rather than "I want to be happy" or "I want to be a good person". During periods of vacation from work or school, we get a chance to take a step back to realize the scope of work's impact on our lives in terms of finances, contentment, and time.

Several years ago, I had a real problem with working 8 hours per day. It wasn't the typical problem where I either didn't have the energy to work 8 hours, or where I felt compelled to work more than 8 hours. The problem I had was that I was spending 8 hours per day devoted to a for-profit company, when I spent significantly fewer hours praying or studying the bible. How could I consider myself a devoted Christian if I spent more time earning money than I did on things God wanted me to do?

What I discovered (through the help of a bible-toting friend) was that my question was based on an incorrect assumption. I had incorrectly segmented my life into work, relaxation, and God stuff with no overlap between those categories. What I'd overlooked was that both relaxation and work are God stuff if they are approached with the proper mindset.

God commanded rest from work in the Old Testament, following the pattern that God himself had set during the creation of the world:

"Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath of the Lord your God; in it you shall not do any work, you or your son or your daughter, your male or your female servant or your cattle or your sojourner who stays with you. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the sabbath day and made it holy." - Exodus 20:9-11 

"Six days you shall work, but on the seventh day you shall rest. In plowing time and in harvest you shall rest." - Exodus 34:21

When we relax, we should do so in appreciation of God himself and a work greater than our own he has accomplished around us (creation). Does it make sense that God was tired after creating the world over 6 days, so he needed to rest on the 7th? A more likely interpretation is that God rested as an example for us, to prevent us from working ourselves ragged. It feels pretty comforting that God himself took time to rest, just so he could show me an example to follow.

My mind became at ease when my friend showed me how our attitude toward work should go beyond the scope of integrity and earning money:

"Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve." - Colossians 3:23-24 

"With good will render service, as to the Lord, and not to men, knowing that whatever good thing each one does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether slave or free." - Ephesians 6:7-8

A proper attitude towards work is focused on God as our boss. Behaviors like theft, laziness, mouthing off, and sub-par quality are no longer things we just try to hide when our manager is around. With God as our boss, we deliver quality work because we want to make him proud. Try employing this attitude (pun intended) at work in the coming year and I am confident you and your boss will be pleased with the result.

Back from Texas

Alisha and I returned from a 2-week trip to Texas yesterday. We visited her family and friends in the area, and even travelled to Louisiana so she could spend time with friends and take a few pictures in the process.

We traveled by car so that we could visit the Canton, TX flea market near her parents' house. The flea market happens once a month and takes 2 days to fully cover. We brought our SUV so we'd have room for any fun stuff we found. We had a hollywood encounter when we spotted Victor Rjesnjansky (from "Storage Wars: Texas") setting up his booth at the Canton flea market. I didn't snap a picture because I didn't want to be rude and his booth was mostly filled with cheap stuff that I didn't want to be goaded into buying.

On the trip, we also dropped by this famous Albuquerque filming location to snap a photo op:

While on the subject of travelling through New Mexico, I must say that aside from Albuquerque I don't have a good taste for New Mexico. From the point you enter the state, the entirety of I-40 is riddled with construction zones whose sole purpose seems to be raising speeding ticket fines. The construction zones never had any workers or even construction equipment in them (just a set of cones and warning signs that fines were doubled). As soon as a construction zone would end, a "safety corridor" would begin which (once again) doubled the speeding ticket fine.

To top it off, a few years ago we were riding with my dad along this route and he was ticketed by tribal patrol officer because I was laying down in the back seat (they pulled him over because his tires touched the white line). The "officer" then proceeded to ask him if he wanted to pay the fine on the spot ... at 2am! When my dad refused, he was given a ticket with no website or phone number for contacting or disputing the charge. I write this just to warn anyone travelling through New Mexico: they want your money.

On Thanksgiving day I had a run-in with a metal box (similar in size to a dumpster) when I stopped a piece of wood fence from falling on a little girl (Alisha's second cousin) during a photo shoot. I grabbed the wood fence before it fell, but mis-stepped myself and hit the box with the bridge of my nose. Luckily I hit bone so I avoided a broken nose or chipped teeth. I had a cut across my nose, two cuts on my lip, a scrape near my left eye, and my glasses were badly bent (but not scratched):

The sad part of the story was that while Alisha and the others were looking at the damage to my nose, the wind picked up again and blew the fence section over onto the girl anyways. She came out relatively unscathed.

On the last day of our trip, I turned 37 years old as we drove from Albuquerque, NM to Sacramento, CA. It was funny, because with all of the chaos of this past year I had mentally considered myself 37 years old since the beginning of 2014. It wasn't until a few days before our trip that I was walking the hallway at work and thought "Wait a second, how old am I?". I had to do the math to figure out that I was 36 and not 37. I guess that's a sign of getting old? It was nice to have another birthday, but not age in my own mind!

Making the Most of "You"

Are you reaching your maximum potential? We often try to be our best, but we run into obstacles along the way. These obstacles come in the form of limitations on our finances, skills, mental capacity, health, or opportunities. Sometimes we wish to ourselves that "if only I didn't have this or that limitation, then I'd really reach my maximum potential". We look at how others don't have the limitations we face, and we credit them with achieving more based on their increased opportunity. After all, if we had what they have then we'd do things better than they do, right?

We are a unique combination of our soul, spirit, and body:

"Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ." - 1 Thessalonians 5:13

I am not sure of the details or mechanisms, but somehow we are innately born with predispositions in each of these areas. That same soul, spirit, and body is refined and reworked by our experiences and how we react to them. You may have problems with anger because it's in your DNA, or you may get angry just because you saw your parents or friends react that way when you were growing up, or you may just like the feeling that anger gives you. The same could be said of your happiness, creativity, thoughtfulness, and other parts of your personality. How much of "you" is encoded in your DNA, how much has been bolted on by your upbringing, and how much of it is developed by you? There is "nature", "nurture" and then finally our reaction to those two parts. We can really only control that 3rd part (our reactions) which is where our area of responsibility lies.

So I'd like you to imagine that someone was born with your precise DNA, brought up in the same household environment you lived in, and had the same friends you had. Would they have made the same choices you did, or would they have chosen differently? If that person were standing right next to you, would they have scars where you do or carry the baggage that you carry? Would that person "coast" based on a God-given talent they have, or would they push themselves to develop it further? Thinking this way helps me see what I should really make of myself.

God has given me the DNA that I have and has granted me with the family and friends I have. What I do with those blessings (or limitations) is dependent upon me. This leads me (and hopefully you as well) to acknowledge and work around limitations that were placed in our lives beyond our control. It also hopefully leads us to continually push ourselves to develop in areas that are already satisfactory (ie: we shouldn't be satisfied with a mere passing grade in life).

Jesus is the standard by which we should measure ourselves, and we all fall short (Romans 3:23). He gave us a goal to aim for: to be the most God-like person we can be, to bring glory to God and honor him by becoming like him. Recognize areas where you fall short, so that they can be improved if God grants you the time to improve them. Identify areas where you can grow to be closer to Jesus' example. In summary, make the most of "you" that you can with the DNA and upbringing that God has blessed you with.

The Race No Man Wins

This past week I learned that a faithful man I greatly respect was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. It was a shock to me, as it was to many others who heard this news. I have prayed for healing, but we all know that praying for something doesn't guarantee it will happen. We know God can heal completely, but will he?

A prayer for healing is really a prayer for time. Time is a finite resource that each of us gulps down at the same rate and with the same fervor. How many seconds will comprise my lifetime? No matter how many they are, I will certainly pray to God for several more. There is never enough time.

The race against time is the race no man can win. We try to eat healthy, exercise regularly, live a clean lifestyle, and avoid dangerous activities all to prolong our time on the earth. God grants us answers to prayers for health, but he doesn't do so indefinitely. Like the race between the tortoise and the hare, eventually the methodical plodding of time will overtake every mortal soul. At one point in every person's life, they ask God to sustain their life and God responds with "no more". Will today be my time?

Physical life is a process of growth and decay. Our bodies are constantly undergoing both of these processes simultaneously from the moment we are born. To see this, look no further than your hair and fingernails: they are dead cells which constantly ooze out of our bodies and need to be maintained. Muscles grow through the strain of lifting followed by a period of regrowth. The collection of cells which makes up your body today were mostly not there several years ago. We are constantly growing and constantly dying. Our bodies die when the death overcomes the growth.

A great deception is that we start thinking that just because we see growth, death is no longer waiting for us. God said with certainty to Adam "you will surely die" (Genesis 2:17) when sin took its foothold in the world through disobedience. Satan tries to deceive us as he did Eve by muttering "you will not surely die" (Genesis 3:4). We start thinking that if we take care of ourselves, get good health insurance, and plan for retirement then we can avoid a confrontation with death. "Sure", we think, "after I've done everything I need to do, then death can come". But when is it ever the right time? When are we ever done?

We always think to ourselves that we'll die later in life, but don't want to admit that one day "later" will become today. Value each today that God gives you: the breath in your lungs, the blood in your veins, the food in your belly, and the thoughts in your mind. Use the gift of today to accomplish something of lasting value.

Just as people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgment, so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him.

- Hebrews 9:27-28

Sermon Handouts

Many of you may already know that I occasionally teach sermons at church. I have presented my first talk in 1993 or 1994, which means that this year marks the 20-year mark for me as a teacher. Over the years I have developed my own speaking style, but it is largely based upon speakers which I felt were very effective at communicating information to me. I presumed that if I connected with a speaker's style, then other people would connect with me if I did the same. That's based on an incorrect assumption that all audience members have the same listening style, but it seems to have worked well enough.

The past few years I have been speaking, I've developed handouts for each sermon. I find that a handout has several benefits:

• It forces me to structure my thoughts well enough to convey them in written format.
• It helps clarify which parts of the sermon are interpretation and which are scripture.
• If a listener's mind goes on a tangent or their kids distract them, it gives them the ability to pick up the parts of the sermon that they missed.
• It gives listeners a reference for later, in case they'd like to think about it again or study further.

In a future blog post, I can explain a little about the structure of the handouts that I use. If you'd like to see the handout I made for the sermon I presented yesterday, click here.

Meet Mack Jeffries

Tonight we'll be having a party at our house. Last night, Alisha decorated our front window with some cutouts that she made from black poster board. She based the silhouettes on a decorated piece of paper we had from last year. We backlit the window with a vintage 4-light setup (which we are actually selling):

I dressed up for work. My character was originally going to be a workout guy well past his prime in the 80's, but then I remembered that I had a playground ball in the garage. The new character is named "Mack Jeffries" and he's brimming with confidence left over from his glory days at the top of the semi-pro dodgeball circuit:

Bills of Sin

It took a while for all of the bills for Roscoe's medical care to roll in, but I think that by now we've finally received most of them. Thankfully, it looks like none of them will need to be paid. To my memory, we haven't even been asked to pay our deductible. We're still missing the bill from Kaiser for April - June 2014, but ignoring that we had a total of a little over $2 million for his care through mid-April 2014 (as you can see here).

Since then we've received many bills from UCSF for his care for June - July 2014. In this stack of UCSF bills, here are some of the larger amounts:

Almost a million:

Another million:

A fancy house:

A moderate house:

And then his midnight helicopter ride ...

These bills from June and July 2014 at UCSF totalled to another $2,697,477. Though we don't have the Kaiser bill for Roscoe's NICU stay from mid-April to June 2014, we can safely assume it would have exceeded $300,000 (since previously his February to mid-April stay was over $600,000). This means his total hospital bills would have exceeded $5 million.

What astounds me is how much debt we'd have incurred, with nothing to show for it except our memories. I can't describe how strongly this relates to forgiveness in my mind. As I thumbed through the pages of bills, I'd see amounts of a few hundred dollars, followed by a few thousand. Those amounts were insignificant compared to the hundreds of thousands on the bills shown above, yet they still would have taken sizable chunks out of our savings.

A bill is a record of something that occurred, along with the price you need to pay for that occurrence. This is true whether it's phone service, auto repair, or medical care. As I flipped past each bill, I thought to myself that this is how my sins must look. I have some big ones and also some that are less significant by comparison. It made me wonder if, once I reach heaven, I will be asked to thumb through the pages and volumes of sin "bills" that I've accumulated. How would something like that feel?

I recognized several doctors' names on Roscoe's bills, which means I could correlate the amount being billed with the day when it occurred. In the same way, I imagine that when looking at the bills of my sin, I would be able to remember the exact time and place where it occurred. I'd remember what situation I got myself into, how I responded in a way that I shouldn't, and perhaps what I did to cover it up. Despite the fact that it would be a distant memory, the bill would still remain. What would it feel like to hold a record of that debt in my hands?

This reminds me of the parable of the two debtors, recorded in Luke 7:41-43:

"Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”

Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”

“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

The total of your sin is always increasing. Each time we sin, it adds another bill to our pile with no savings from which to repay that debt. The only option we have is forgiveness. The only way we can be forgiven is by joining ourselves to Christ (Romans 6:3-7). While we remain in Christ, we remain free and forgiven.

If you are like me, this thought makes you hold tighter to Jesus and the forgiveness he carries. My experience with my own son has taught me to appreciate the Son of God: the man who died with no debt to pay the debt that we incurred.

The Golden Rule

Recently, I attended a church meeting where the speaker talked about the golden rule. He pointed out how some people live by the iron rule ("might makes right") or the silver rule ("do no wrong"), but fail to live by the golden rule. It re-ignited my passion for this simple, yet profound scripture:

"So in everything, do to others as you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets"

- Matthew 7:12

There is great wisdom wrapped up in these 23 words. A while ago I saw a presentation given by a man who was an expert student on this concept. He highlighted several details I would not have otherwise noticed. It's by looking at the details of this passage that the true beauty of its design stands out, like seeing the beauty of a flower by examining its individual petals.

1. Act First
   Verb tense matters. The verse says that we should act first ("do", present tense) in regard to righteousness. Our action should precede that of someone else ("as you would have them do", future tense). If we are responding to someone else's action, then we are not following the golden rule. We need to be the first one to act in righteousness.
2. Act Regardless
   There is a notable absence of outcome mentioned. The verse doesn't say "do to others as you would have them do to you, and then stop if they don't do likewise". In fact, the verse mentions nothing of the other person's response. It only says that today we should act towards others as we want them to act toward us tomorrow. Tomorrow, we act toward them as we want them to act towards us the day after. Each day we act in kindness towards others, regardless of how they have responded in the past.
3. Put Yourself in Their Shoes
   This is an unstated concept that could be easily overlooked. The verse literally says we should do to others what we want them to do to us, but that's not precisely what it means. The verse is asking us to put ourselves in someone else's situation and act toward them how we'd want to be treated if we were in that situation. For instance, consider this story:
   

   There once lived a monkey and a fish. The monkey followed the golden rule, always trying to treat others as he wanted to be treated. But he sometimes applied the golden rule foolishly. Now one day a big flood came. As the threatening waters rose, the foolish monkey climbed a tree to safety. Then he looked down and saw a fish struggling in the water. He thought, "I wanted to be lifted from the water." So he reached down and grabbed the fish from the water, lifting him to safety on a high branch. Of course that didn't work. The fish died.

   The golden rule takes effort because it requires us to empathize with the other person. Our empathy is more effective the better we know the person. Therefore, to follow the golden rule we must familiarize ourselves with that other person. They become our focus. This doesn't mean that we do whatever the other person wants, such as feeding kids ice cream for dinner or avoiding difficult conversations which are necessary. What it does mean is that we ask ourselves "What would I want to be said or done for myself, if I were in their exact situation?". Pick a person, ask yourself that question, then go treat that person according to your answer.

I challenge anyone to follow this principle which Jesus taught and not be pleased with the result you see in yourself and the response you receive from others.

Family Resemblance

Alisha's mom texted this picture to Alisha a few days ago. It is a picture of Alisha's mom (Netta) being held as a baby by Netta's father (Burt):

Maybe it's the black and white, but to me she looks quite a bit like Roscoe:

Don't Focus on Negatives

A few years ago, I was at a local swap meet called Denio's. We often go there for produce, but sometimes I will go there hunting for treasure (or junk). At the time we were interested in vintage suitcases, so we bought a rough condition suitcase for $5 (or I may have talked them down to $4) and brought it home.

Inside the suitcase we found some old photo bulbs (the kind that are single-use) and photo negatives in the tattered envelope shown below. We looked up the address and it was from a department store in San Francisco from the early 1950's. I found a picture of the place online from around the date on the envelope.

All of the negatives looked like this, some in rough condition:

We wanted to see what was on the negatives, so I scanned them with a standard desktop scanner and then we inverted the colors of the scanned image using a photo editing program (I used Microsoft Paint which comes with every Windows PC). The results were that we got to time travel and see what a vacation to Tahoe in 1952 looked like:

One interesting piece was that there was a printed photograph in the box that had water damage on the right half. We were able to see what the rest of the picture looked like by scanning the negative:

Being married to a photographer, I am obviously a fan of taking pictures. What I've recently become a fan of is the picture's ability to let you travel back into time when it was taken. If your memory and creativity allows, you can imagine what it would be like to travel up the road to Tahoe in an almost-new 1940's sedan. The smells of leaded gasoline and pine trees would mix with the simplicity and isolation of an unconnected world. After your trip, you'd return to San Francisco to get all 31 pictures you took developed and printed for $2.16 (plus 7 cents tax).

If you haven't taken pictures recently, take some. You'll record a bit of your own history, and it may last longer than you think. Doing so will freeze a point in time to which you can return later with fondness.

Birthday Celebration

In the last post, I said that Alisha and I were going up to Apple Hill to celebrate Roscoe's birthday. We started the day at Apple Hill where we watched some white ducks in a pond as 11:49am (the time Roscoe was born) ticked by. They had what looked like feather afros on their heads.

We took a picture of Roscoe around with us all day, so we could take pictures of "him" in the places we went:

We drove to Lake Tahoe for lunch, which we ate on the shore. After we finished, we wrote a letter to Roscoe and attached it to a helium-filled birthday balloon. This was an idea that we got from Sandy (a friend of Roscoe's favorite artist), who lost her own son at age 12. She sent us a helium tank and balloons so that we could send Roscoe a letter every year. She calls it "Letters to Heaven" and as you can see on the facebook page several others have done the same. We thought it was a great idea! Here was the letter we wrote him this year:

After writing the letter in our car, we walked out onto the pier where we got married and after taking some pictures we let go and the balloon lifted into the air. The sky was cloudless, so we watched the yellow balloon until it was a tiny speck that we lost when we looked away. Alisha made this video which gives a good idea of what it was like to be there when we sent him his note. I love my wife.

We traveled back down toward our home, stopping by Apple Hill to get some apple cider and apple juice for the Kaiser NICU nurses.

Before reaching home, we intended to pick up a cupcake to celebrate his birthday, but all of the cupcake places we found were closed. Luckily, the Whole Foods bakery was still open so we got Roscoe this creme and fruit-filled chocolate bowl instead. It was a delicious way to end the day.

Roscoe's Birthday

Alisha and I plan to celebrate Roscoe's birthday today by doing some happy things to remember him. We plan to visit Apple Hill, where we took Alisha's maternity pictures a little over a year ago. There will most likely be fresh apple donuts and a jug of apple cider (to take home) on the menu.

As we went to walk out the door this morning, we found this on our doorstep from our neighbors! I don't know if they even knew that we had these plans today:

Love speaks in many ways. We are excited to spend today remembering our boy!

Speak of the Dead

Since Roscoe passed, Alisha and I have run into a few situations where we found out that kids had been told not to mention Roscoe around us. After finding that out that "Roscoe" was a forbidden word, we tried to assure the kids (and the parents) that we love talking about him, even if he's gone. I don't know if I'm alone in this, but there is something revitalizing in talking about those who've passed.

On one hand, talking about the dead reminds us that they are gone. However, on the other hand it reminds us that they still live on. Jesus quoted Exodus 3:6 to prove this point. He showed that by speaking of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the present tense in reference to God, it was implied that they still existed even after death:

"But about the resurrection of the dead — have you not read what God said to you, 'I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob'? He is not the God of the dead, but of the living." 

- Matthew 22:31-32

Speaking about those who are dead should be done with joy and anticipation. We speak with joy because of the happy memories that remain, after filtering out the bad memories that we'd rather forget. We speak with anticipation because we are confident that we will see them again. Speaking of them reminds us that the current earth is not our final resting place. It reminds us that they will meet us in our true home.

Parents were probably scared their little ones would blurt out something inappropriate about Roscoe, so it's understandable why they'd tell kids not to mention him. In fact before July 23, 2014, I would often avoid mentioning the deceased out of discomfort. I'd either change the topic or just avoid a conversation with the person altogether. I don't think that I took the right approach. I love it when kids (or adults) talk to me about Roscoe.

Not everyone is like me. To some, the idea of talking about the dead might be overwhelming, saddening, or uncomfortable. However, speaking from my own perspective, I enjoy it. Once a person is gone, the memories are all we have left of them. We can't hold their hand, pick them up, or sit next to them. We are left with talking about the times when we did those things, or left to imagine how they would have done them. I don't think this is living in the past, as much as remembering a part of your life with fondness. Through memories we can relive parts of our lives which brought us great joy. That joy is tasted again when we retrace our steps through a memory.

I don't think it's a coincidence that God asks us to remember his Son each week (Luke 22:19-22, Acts 20:7). Paul reiterated that partaking in the communion each week would "proclaim the Lord's death until he comes" (1 Corinthians 11:26). By remembering Jesus, we are reminding ourselves of these two intertwined facts: that Jesus died for us and that he is alive again.

There's comfort in talking about the dead, knowing that we will see them again:

"Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.  For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.  According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep.  For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.  After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.  Therefore encourage one another with these words."

- 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

I know that my son is dead, but I also know that he lives on and that I will see him again. Talking about him reminds me of the joy that is behind me and the joy that lies ahead.

Talking to Myself

What were you doing on this day last year? The past few weeks I've wondered what I could say if I could talk to myself from a year ago. Since I posted daily on Roscoe's Story, I have a record of what was happening each day in my life from a year ago. Many of you may have something similar using facebook's timeline, your email history, your credit card history, or pictures on your phone. We all have some kind of digital record of our daily life.

The digital day-by-day record we have makes me wonder what I'd say to myself in October 2013. Hopefully I am wiser now than I was then. How would I get my 2013 self to act on my 2014 wisdom? Would I warn myself of the specific dangers to come, or would I merely try to explain the character I'd need to withstand them?

Here are some of the things that I'd tell myself, if I could talk to the me from one year ago:

• "Your baby is a boy, not a girl. Doctors don't know everything."
• "Enjoy watching your baby grow. There are ups and downs that will happen, many advances and setbacks. Just enjoy the time with Roscoe and tune out the machines, nurses, and stale hospital air. Focus on your son."
• "Don't work so much. There are more important things."
• "Don't underestimate the power of prayer. Pray honestly, openly, and expecting a powerful result. Pray every day in Roscoe's room for him to come home. Never leave the house without doing that first to show God what is important to you."
• "Take lots of pictures and videos. You will appreciate them later when you have time to sit and reflect."
• "This year will be the best year of your life so far. It will be hard, but you will love it."

What would you say to yourself, if you could talk to the you from one year ago? What do you think the October 2015 self would say to you right now?

Hawaii: Hapuna Beach, Waimea, Departure (Day 11)

Our last morning in Hawaii, I snorkeled a little and caught this big pufferfish (over 1 foot long) on camera:

Also there were some white fish that blended with the sand and some other fish that just hung out in a cove near the hotel:

At the end of the week, we returned our snorkel gear. We ended up buying masks, rather than renting, and bought a set of fins for me because it was only $10 more than we'd paid for the rental. Now I can snorkel here at home! I just need Alisha to drop some tropical fish into the bathtub and get out of the way.

Our only sad moment for the entire vacation was after we'd checked out and were enjoying the cool ocean breeze in the open-air lobby of the hotel with this view:

It was one of the most picturesque views I'd ever seen in person, but a part of me spoke up and wished I could instantly be transported back to the hospital NICU. Not many people would be sitting on a tropical beach and wishing they were in the depths of a hospital, surrounded by chaos and artificial lighting, but I did. I told Alisha and both of our eyes got a little watery.

We take Roscoe with us everywhere we go. We set his picture on the center console in our rental car so that we'd feel like he was coming with us through all of these adventures. We even celebrated his 11-month birthday on the beach that morning by writing our names and the date into the sand, then decorating it with Plumeria flowers from a nearby tree:

After checking out of our last hotel, we drove up the hill from the beach for 10 minutes to Waimea at 2500ft elevation. That's right: 10 minutes to climb 2500 feet. It was a quaint little town with this old church that was pretty neat looking:

That night we watched the sun set as the waves rolled in, then boarded the plane from the outdoor airport in Kona. We flew overnight back to California to be back just in time for church the next morning.