Speak of the Dead

Since Roscoe passed, Alisha and I have run into a few situations where we found out that kids had been told not to mention Roscoe around us. After finding that out that "Roscoe" was a forbidden word, we tried to assure the kids (and the parents) that we love talking about him, even if he's gone. I don't know if I'm alone in this, but there is something revitalizing in talking about those who've passed.

On one hand, talking about the dead reminds us that they are gone. However, on the other hand it reminds us that they still live on. Jesus quoted Exodus 3:6 to prove this point. He showed that by speaking of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the present tense in reference to God, it was implied that they still existed even after death:

"But about the resurrection of the dead — have you not read what God said to you, 'I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob'? He is not the God of the dead, but of the living." 

- Matthew 22:31-32

Speaking about those who are dead should be done with joy and anticipation. We speak with joy because of the happy memories that remain, after filtering out the bad memories that we'd rather forget. We speak with anticipation because we are confident that we will see them again. Speaking of them reminds us that the current earth is not our final resting place. It reminds us that they will meet us in our true home.

Parents were probably scared their little ones would blurt out something inappropriate about Roscoe, so it's understandable why they'd tell kids not to mention him. In fact before July 23, 2014, I would often avoid mentioning the deceased out of discomfort. I'd either change the topic or just avoid a conversation with the person altogether. I don't think that I took the right approach. I love it when kids (or adults) talk to me about Roscoe.

Not everyone is like me. To some, the idea of talking about the dead might be overwhelming, saddening, or uncomfortable. However, speaking from my own perspective, I enjoy it. Once a person is gone, the memories are all we have left of them. We can't hold their hand, pick them up, or sit next to them. We are left with talking about the times when we did those things, or left to imagine how they would have done them. I don't think this is living in the past, as much as remembering a part of your life with fondness. Through memories we can relive parts of our lives which brought us great joy. That joy is tasted again when we retrace our steps through a memory.

I don't think it's a coincidence that God asks us to remember his Son each week (Luke 22:19-22, Acts 20:7). Paul reiterated that partaking in the communion each week would "proclaim the Lord's death until he comes" (1 Corinthians 11:26). By remembering Jesus, we are reminding ourselves of these two intertwined facts: that Jesus died for us and that he is alive again.

There's comfort in talking about the dead, knowing that we will see them again:

"Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.  For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.  According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep.  For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first.  After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.  Therefore encourage one another with these words."

- 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

I know that my son is dead, but I also know that he lives on and that I will see him again. Talking about him reminds me of the joy that is behind me and the joy that lies ahead.