Return to San Francisco

Yesterday, Alisha and I made a return trip to San Francisco to wrap up some things. We started by heading down to Ricardo & Amy's house the night before so that we could get an early jump in the morning. We headed across the Bay Bridge a little after 6am so that we could visit Acme Bread (in the Ferry Building). We especially like their green olive bread:

After grabbing several loaves of green olive bread and some walnut cranberry bread, we headed to UCSF where we parked our car. We took the shuttle to another UCSF campus so we'd be within walking distance of the SFMTA office. We appealed our $944 fine in person. They were very sympathetic, but needed to get a copy of the officers' report to finalize the appeal. We're very confident the appeal will be granted.

We walked a several blocks and picked up Roscoe's ashes from the crematory, then headed back to UCSF. We aren't yet sure what we'll do with his ashes, but were confident we didn't want him buried. We thought it would be better to think of him in heaven if he didn't have a gravesite.

There was a surprise waiting for us at UCSF, which I'll share tomorrow. After that, we visited the Walt Disney Museum, picked up some chocolate beignets, and headed out of town before traffic got too heavy.

Gooey Ghirardelli filling

The last few steps I took in the city of San Francisco were ones where I accidentally stepped in dog poo trying to check a parking meter. I only noticed it a few minutes later. It was a fitting end to an otherwise fun and relaxing day.

Learning to Give

Alisha and I have been overwhelmed (in a good way) by cards, messages, gifts, and flowers since Roscoe passed. In fact, we've learned a great deal about giving from what we have received. By that, I mean that people have given to us in a way that we wouldn't have given to them, so it's been a lesson to us about how to be better givers.

Some congregations and individuals have sent us gift cards (in amounts that aren't small). Several families also sent us flower bouquets pictured below, to brighten things up around the house.

Another family arranged an apple tree for us to remember Roscoe after they saw Alisha's maternity photoshoot. As luck would have it, we are reworking our backyard so this will be a heartfelt addition. We look forward to eating the Honey Crisp apples for years to come:

The tree is over about 7ft tall, but we didn't picture the lower part

because Alisha said the ground "looked trashy"

Still another family got us a custom-embroidered baseball with Roscoe's name on it. We had already been given a yard-sale-special ceramic mitt that perfectly fit the baseball! Now it sits above our mantle:

Still others sent us more home decor to remind us of Roscoe:

I don't post all of these pictures to say "Look at all of the stuff we got!", but rather to point out that we have been amply supplied (overflowing). Our neighbors (who got us the bell) and many people from church have supplied us with meals to ease the transition back to "normal" life.

Through all of these blessings, Alisha and I have learned that we need to become better givers. Giving isn't a strong suit for us, so it's something we have to consciously work on. We don't hold back due to greed. Rather, we just don't think to take initiative and send something to someone if they haven't asked for it. Thankfully, there are many people out there who are much better givers than we are. We are learning from your example and hopefully we can supply this same level of relief and enjoyment to someone else who finds themselves walking over uneven ground.

"Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." 

- Luke 6:38 

Corinthian Bell

One of the favorite gifts that Alisha and I have received since Roscoe's passing was a Corinthian Bell windchime. As I drove up to our house on July 24th, I saw our neighbors walking away from a spot near the bushes in front of our house. I saw the windchime, so I thought it was nice sound-maker and walked into the house. It wasn't until a day or two later that we discovered an engraved placard on the ringer:

In Memory of
Sweet Baby Roscoe
October 6, 2013
July 23, 2014

It really impressed us that they'd do something so kind, but also that they had it made so quickly after the news of his passing. Now whenever we hear the bell ring, we consider it Roscoe letting us know that he's still here with us in spirit. Each time a new visitor comes to the house, we show them the bell. Sometimes when I walk by, I ring it by hand. Currently the bell is in our front yard where we can show it to visitors, but soon when we renovate our backyard it will get moved back there for safe keeping.

Songs of the Past

When I am driving to work in my car, I'll hum or sing songs to Roscoe. I don't know if he can hear me, but I hope he is thinking about me. In the story of Lazarus and the rich man (Luke 16:19-31) the rich man converses with Abraham in the afterlife about his predicament. Abraham reminded the rich man about his behavior in his former life, and the rich man remembered his family members who were still alive. My hope is that Roscoe's memory of us still remains active.

Each night I hummed songs slowly to Roscoe while his head was on my chest. I figured that he didn't understand words, but the tones echoing in my lungs would vibrate him to sleep. The songs I hummed to Roscoe were usually these (in this order):

Brahm's Lullaby

Amazing Grace (slowly)

I'll Fly Away

You are the One For Me

Alphabet Song / Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star

Roscoe was usually restless during the first song, calmed down during Amazing Grace, and then he's get into a deep sleep by the time the last two rolled around. As luck would have it, the first Sunday we came back to church after Roscoe's passing, a good friend of mine led "You Are the One For Me" without knowing that it was a song I'd hummed to Roscoe. I told him afterwards that Sunday was the first time Roscoe had ever heard that song with words in 4-part acapella.

A relative of Alisha's posted this picture on Instagram about a week ago:

Alisha's mom immediately noticed that a heart shape near the center of the picture took an uncanny resemblance to the heart-shaped bedsore on Roscoe's head. Alisha's mom (Netta) said that the bedsore was from God kissing Roscoe and sending him back. This heart in the clouds was Roscoe letting us know that he was safe in God's arms.

Appendectomy

Alisha and I got about a week after Roscoe's passing to settle back in at home before I returned to work. The day after I returned, she woke up at 3am with severe stomach pain and dry heaving that kept her awake. We went to the emergency room to find out what was wrong, but the tests they ran all came back negative (which, confusingly, in medical terms tends to always be a good thing). They sent her home on pain medication and gave us warning signs to look out for.

When they checked in with us by phone the following morning, the pain had migrated from above her belly button to near her hips. She also developed a fever of 99-100 degrees, so we went back in. They planned to run a CT scan to check for appendicitis, but due to the radiation risk of a CT scan, I asked if they could use an ultrasound instead. Each CT scan has a risk of about 1 in 1,000 of causing cancer. Thankfully, the ultrasound revealed appendicitis and planned a surgical removal (appendectomy) just two hours later.

Waiting to be prepped for surgery

Though we thought we were finished with the hospital, we visited some familiar places that day. Alisha's ultrasound was conducted in the very same room where we found out that Roscoe was 500g in weight (a very specific answer to prayer). Before surgery, her bed was parked right next to the spot where Roscoe had been prior to his tracheostomy and gastrostomy. After the surgery, we wheeled her past the waiting room where we'd heard that Roscoe's surgery was successful. These were all happy memories.

Prepared for surgery, waiting one bed over from where

Roscoe was before his surgeries

This infirmity might seem like just another kick to us while we're down, but the timing couldn't have been more perfect. Had Alisha's appendix had trouble a few weeks earlier, it would have impacted her last week with Roscoe (which would have been a disaster). Had the appendix trouble happened a few weeks later, it would have ruined an "escape" trip we planned for the end of August. It's just a matter of finding the bright spot in a dark cloud!

Since the appendectomy on August 1st, Alisha has had a week of healing and antibiotics that have put her in a much better place. She's now able to walk comfortably and even cough or laugh without pain.

Starting Fresh

I have decided to start this blog to continue the story of my family, while leaving my son's story intact and complete. I highly encourage you to read Roscoe's Story, which is the blog that I kept while my wife spent 3 weeks in the hospital and my son spent 9.5 months in the hospital. He was born at just over 1lb, had severe lung and heart issues, and a face-melting smile. Here's the link to Roscoe's Story:

    http://babywackerly.blogspot.com

I view that former blog as one of my life's greatest accomplishments. I have decided to continue writing so that those who are interested in following Roscoe's family can continue to do so. The frequency of blog posts will be reduced, but it will still keep everyone updated about how our family is doing.