Early Anniversary

Alisha is now 28 weeks pregnant, with everything measuring normally. Dottie is 2lb 10oz as of this morning's ultrasound, which looks great. She frequently kicks, punches, and causes other turmoil to Alisha's insides so we know she has good amounts of energy (and hence, nutrition). Alisha will have Braxton-Hicks contractions if she sits in one position long periods of time, so we decided to take our anniversary trip early this year.

We started our visit to central California by travelling through San Jose and stopping at the Winchester Mystery House. It is a large house which was constructed by a wealthy widow who inherited a portion of the Winchester fortune. The mansion has 160 rooms, but 2,000 doors which indicates how segmented and confusing the house is.

They had an on-site gun museum with racks of guns

These were the oldest guns. The top one is the most elaborate and was from the 1600-1700's, so expensive that it was owned only by royalty. The bottom one was from the 1500's and ignited the gunpowder with a lit match that was clicked down when the trigger was pulled.

Next was the highlight of our trip, when we went to the Madonna Inn. It is a hotel that was designed in the late 1950's and early 1960's so that each room is unique and eclectic. We stayed in a room called "Carin". I'll let you guess what the theme was :).

Cupid hung above the bed, holding a lighting fixture

This was my view from the bed. It's a little less "magical"

Up close, the wallpaper looked like small sequins

This shows the spiral staircase that leads up to our room on the 3rd floor. There were other rooms on the 2nd floor, but ours was the only one on the 3rd floor in this wing, so the staircase came right to our front door.

The view from one of the two balconies in the room

A view from below that same balcony

After this, we traveled onward to Pismo Beach where we visited the Monarch Butterfly Grove, downtown, and then watched the sunset over the ocean. We stayed in a fun little motel where we were literally about 30 steps from the next-door coffee shop Alisha visited before we headed to Salinas for church. Happy Anniversary!

All of the things in the upper left corner of the picture that look like dead leaves are actually clusters of Monarch butterflies, which travel hundreds (or a few thousand) miles to reach this grove of trees during winter.

Goodbye, Grandma

Today my grandmother, Lela, passed away after turning 87 on Monday. She had struggled to hold onto life over the past few months, but most especially in the past few days. I wasn't there, but I received frequent text updates about how she was doing. We were all praying for her to be released peacefully from this life, and our prayers were answered around 4:25pm on Thursday.

This is how I remember her

Times like this force me into reflection. They make me re-evaluate what is truly important and significant. On my drive home, the usual radio chatter about finances and political turmoil just seemed ignorant and shallow. How could people talk about such mundane things and pretend like those things are of utter importance?

Over 150,000 people died today (roughly the entire population of Eugene, OR) and still this chatter continues. We go shopping at the mall, share the latest celebrity gossip, and consume TV like gluttons. Once emptied to their essentials, our lives fill back up with meaningless tasks, like dead leaves filling an empty pool. Times like this compel me to refocus on what God wants us to get out of life and what he wants us to put into it.

This isn't to say that my grandmother's death has shaken my worldview. The death of a grandparent is an unhappy moment, but is part of the natural order of life. One day my time will run out as well, and my grandchild will miss me. I just hope that I have a virtuous impact on their life. After all, isn't that what life is about? A life lived in service to our Lord and reflecting his qualities into the world around them is a life lived fully.

My favorite book (especially in times of deep reflection) is Ecclesiastes because in it the writer works out his struggle to identify the meaning of life. Despite the wisdom contained in that book, we try to fill our lives with pleasure (Ecc 2:1-11), work (Ecc 2:18-23), intellect (Ecc 2:12-17), and wealth (Ecc 5:10-16) yet none of them makes us feel as complete as obedience to our Father (Ecc 12:13).

Stop and consider the beauty of this passage, which personifies aging parts of the body (eyes, ears, teeth) as individuals who are weakened in old age (windows dim, doors shut, grinding ones idle):

Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near when you will say, “I have no delight in them”; before the sun and the light, the moon and the stars are darkened, and clouds return after the rain; in the day that the watchmen of the house tremble, and mighty men stoop, the grinding ones stand idle because they are few, and those who look through windows grow dim; and the doors on the street are shut as the sound of the grinding mill is low, and one will arise at the sound of the bird, and all the daughters of song will sing softly. Furthermore, men are afraid of a high place and of terrors on the road; the almond tree blossoms, the grasshopper drags himself along, and the caperberry is ineffective. For man goes to his eternal home while mourners go about in the street.

- Ecclesiastes 12:1-5  

Losing a grandparent who has virtuously impacted your life is not easy or joyful, but my grief is transformed to joy with the knowledge that death has lost its sting (1 Corinthians 15:55-57). My grandma never got to meet Dottie in person, but I am consoled that she is at peace and hope that somewhere she is hugging a little boy named Roscoe (who was probably playing ball with his great-grandpa Frank). It might look a little like the pictures below of my grandparents holding me as a baby:

 

"So teach us to number our days,

that we may present to You a heart of wisdom.

Do return, O Lord; how long will it be?"

- Psalm 90:12-13

Hello Dottie

Alisha and I have some good news to share: Alisha is 16 weeks pregnant. We didn't let anyone know until this week, because we wanted to make sure that everything was progressing normally. We received great news during her 16-week ultrasound on Wednesday: the baby is measuring normally and all blood tests are looking good.

We found out that the baby is a GIRL (allegedly), so we're planning on naming her "Dottie Monroe". Alisha will have follow-up appointments with the specialist every 2 weeks until they no longer consider her high-risk (which might be never).

God has been answering many prayers so far, with hopefully more to come. We wanted to especially give thanks that he has answered prayers for physical healing through the help of acupuncture and natural medicine at Vitality Primary Care. The help we've gotten from Barbara Ferrero has helped Alisha avoid taking blood-thinning medication (Lovenox), yet still avoid blood clots that made Roscoe's placenta malformed, which caused his growth issues.

Fort Bragg

Alisha and I just returned from a 3-day camping vacation to Fort Bragg. Many friends and family go camping there each summer during the same week to escape the 100+ degree summer heat and frolic in the mid-60's temperatures along the coast. Activities include things like hiking, kayaking, riding bikes, exploring tide pools, and visiting glass beach.

This year we missed out on the kayaking, but still got to do all of our most favored activities. Most everybody else goes for the entire week, but Alisha and I can only stand about 3 days of the camping "lifestyle" before our desire for a shower and comfortable, clean relaxation overtakes us. We rode bikes to glass beach, got ice cream at Cowlick's (twice) and watched the sunset each night. We explored a few tide pools across fields of mussels (about which we made many jokes like "look at these muscles!" and "there are muscles over here!"). We also discovered sea anemones, sea urchins, crabs, snails, and a handful of starfish (the smallest one we found is pictured below on the left).

 

One of my favorite things to do is hit rocks into the ocean with an old wooden bat. This practice began when I played little league growing up and lived on hilly land near Grass Valley. Since I wanted to practice batting but didn't have a bucket of balls or the desire to chase balls down a long hill, I hit rocks instead. I also had a border collie (named "Teke") who liked to sit down the hill and chase the rocks and catch them in her mouth. To hit rocks, I didn't want to mess up a bat, so I'd find the straightest, hardest stick I could (usually made of a pine branch), clean off the bark and smaller branches, and then use it as a bat. Sometimes I couldn't find a straight stick, so I'd end up with a curved one and I'd have to swing an inch or two above where the rock was in order to hit it. I'd practice hitting that way, just throwing up rocks and hitting them over and over again. After a while of hitting small rocks the size of a penny, it got much easier to hit something the size of a baseball. To this day I still like hitting rocks. It's a bonus to be able to hit rocks into the ocean. I'm not sure why, but there's just something special about it that makes it better than hitting into a field or down a hill.

Alisha pointed out that you can see the rock flying
in the daylight picture above

This year at Fort Bragg was also special to us because last year at this time was our final week with Roscoe. We still have many sweet and special memories of him that replay over again in my mind. I thank God that I am able to revisit Roscoe's life through my own memories and through the pictures (and blog) we have. Though we don't often mention it in prayers around other people, each day Alisha and I thank God for the time we had with Roscoe. The time God granted us with him has become a defining piece of who we are, having changed us permanently. I hit a few rocks into the ocean for our special little guy, prayed for him by the ocean at night, and know that he is still waiting for mommy and daddy to arrive at the doorstep of heaven. What a smile we'll see when we arrive!

Father's Day

A year has come and gone. Last year I was a father. This year I still am, but in a different way. Being in my late 30's, I often get asked a question like "Do you have any kids?". Often this question arises when I meet a new acquaintance, as happened this past week at a work lunch. The question is hard to answer, because I know they're just trying to make conversation but I don't want to lie. After iterating on a few responses, now I'll usually answer "Not right now". They think I'm referring slyly to the future, but really I'm thinking of the past ... (on a side note, I just realized that "slyly" is a very uniquely spelled word) ... Anyways, if they ask further questions and show interest, then I bring up the story that you all know.

I still carry around a reminder of my little man in my wallet. Each time I flop it open to get a credit card or show my license, I see this:

It is a wallet-sized reminder of the time when I got to hold his hand onto a brand new baseball. It's also the picture I use to show anyone interested how small he was. Luckily when Alisha printed this picture as a wallet, it came out to be nearly identical to life-size:

Each day I thank God (multiple times) for the days, weeks, and months he granted us with Roscoe. Our tendency is always to think about what's lacking: we wish we had more money, more skill, more hair, more time ... but in doing so, we overlook the gifts that God has given us.

Roscoe could have very easily never have made it past birth. The day he was born I remember being scared that he wouldn't survive birth, then I heard her his little cry and knew she he had working lungs. Those next 9.5 months were a gift from God that I can never repay. One year ago from today, Roscoe was just getting settled in at UCSF for the last month of his life. That month could have very easily never have happened. I firmly believe that by our prayers God extended his life.

The first time anyone found out that Alisha was pregnant with Roscoe was when we filmed this video, slightly over 2 years ago:

Two months later, I sent the email below (on August 10th, 2013):

I am writing to request prayers for our daughter. As you may have heard, we found out on Monday that she is a girl during the 20-week ultrasound. What you didn't know was that we were scheduled for a follow-up ultrasound with a specialist 2 days later because she is roughly 3 weeks behind in terms of growth. In real numbers she is 6.5oz and the average baby is 10.5oz, putting her in the 1-2% range as a percentile of growth. Though Alisha and I both have small frames, the specialist said the small weight is due to problems with the placenta (IUGR). The link below will explain the scientific reasons and will let you know what typically occurs:   http://www.mountsinai.on.ca/care/placenta-clinic/complications/placentalinsufficiency/iugr 

Our specialist said that we would "almost definitely" see her delivered by the end of September (27 weeks). At her reduced size, she would barely fit the smallest breathing tube they have if she were born at that time because she'd be roughly the size of a 24-week baby. This early delivery would be triggered / forced if the specialist notices "reverse diastolic blood flow", which in means that as our baby's heartbeat reaches its lowest point, blood begins to flow backwards into her heart. Left unchecked it is fatal, so they choose to deliver the baby in hopes that she will survive:
   http://radiopaedia.org/articles/reversal-of-umbilical-arterial-end-diastolic-flow 

We apologize if we've spoken with you in the past few days and haven't mentioned this. We are still processing it and ourselves don't have answers. We chose to leave it out of conversation until we could bring it up in the way most comfortable for us. Please don't feel bad if you've made comments about Alisha's belly being small or undersized (she's gotten that quite a bit), we know you said it without knowing what was going on. 

Our doctor said that Alisha and our daughter will be checked more regularly by the specialist in the coming weeks. Our next appointment is on August 23rd at 11am. We would like to rally the prayer warriors over the next two weeks so that we'll see positive results and continue seeing them until our daughter is safe to be born. To speak frankly: we don't need food/hospitality and we want to avoid calls, hugs, or in-person conversations about it. Please just try to act normally towards us, which we know will be hard. If you would like to console us, cards and email would be the best method. We are private people so talking with others about this only rehashes the difficult situation we face. Though it may feel good to you and feel like you're helping if you talk to us at length about this, it really will only make us feel worse. Quite honestly, we just want you to pray as hard as you know how. 

If you like to pray for specifics, we ask that you pray for our daughter to grow like the wind, for the nutrition delivery problems to be absolved, and for her blood flow to remain normal and healthy. Above all we ask that you petition God himself to heal our daughter and deliver her safely into this world with no ill effects of these issues. We are convinced that God is powerful and capable to accomplish this feat. We are also convinced that humans can change God's mind through prayer (Exodus 32:14; 2 Kings 20:1-7). We ask (selfishly) that you make sincere petitions for our daughter as part of your daily prayers. 

Servants of Christ,
Shaun & Alisha

After I hit Send, I turned to Alisha on the couch, hugged her, and cried my eyes out like I can hardly remember ever doing before. I was terrified of what was in store. Looking back, I was about to see some of the most amazing and powerful things that I'd ever witness, all wrapped in an 18.7 ounce human being. I miss my boy, but I know that right now he's with the one true Father who takes care of him better than I can.

If what I've written touches your heart, give your kids a hug. Tell them what they mean to you and remind them that they've got a Father in heaven who is just waiting to squeeze them too. He's waiting for all of us.

"Do not call anyone on earth your father;
for One is your Father, He who is in heaven."

- Matthew 23:9

Cave of Time

One of the things I was most excited about (aside from seeing family) when I visited Kentucky was a visit to Mammoth Cave. Alisha and I had visited Kaneaha Cave and Kaumana Cave in Hawaii, but when we heard that Kentucky was home to the world's largest cave system we really wanted to visit.

Mammoth Cave entrance

Currently there are 400 miles of underground cave walkways that can be linked to this cave system, but they're actively exploring and continue to find new passages.

One of the neatest things I got to see in the cave was this cross:

I don't think anyone else in our group got to see it, because the guides kept us walking at a brisk pace. By the time I noticed it was there, I snapped a picture with my cell phone and hurried to catch up. The cross was formed by a metal pipe sticking out of a large boulder, with another metal pipe crossing it.

There were many interesting and amazing sights while we walked through two cave tours. There were lots of caverns and spaces like these, each one looking slightly different. These pictures were taken once we were 300-400 feet underground.

  

Other parts of the cave had stalactites, stalagmites, and other patterns that were formed by water slowly dripping over centuries or thousands of years. In some places, it looked like the wall of the cave had been melted by intense heat, but they said that the cave stays at an almost constant temperature year-round:

 

Various parts of the cave had names carved onto the ceiling or written with the smoke and soot of a candle. The guide told us that wealthy travellers would travel into the cave with a guide, then pay a bonus for the guide to write their name onto the cave ceiling. There were several names from the 1800's, still written in candle soot:

One name above was dated "1839"

Then to give us extra heeby-jeebies, near one of the cave exits there was a batch of spiders and crickets (most of what's shown are cave crickets) hovering above the doorway!

Have fun tonight trying to get to sleep with that image in your head!

Kentucky Trip

Last week, Alisha and I returned from a trip to Kentucky to see my relatives and their new addition to the family:

Holding Miles at 1 month old

Throughout the trip, the kids took turns holding and kissing Miles. One of the adults would be holding him, and the kids would jump up from their toys or walk by, then nuzzle up next to his face and repeatedly kiss him until they were pushed away (to allow him to breathe and sleep).

I got pictures of each of the kids holding him, except for Westin. Instead, all I got was a picture of Westin licking powdered sugar off of a beignet. Close enough. At least it was "sweet".

  

Javan, who seems to carry most of the visual artistic tendencies in the family, even drew a sketch of Miles' face and gave it to us:

While we were there, we also did some fun projects with the kids and saw the local sights. We went to Mammoth Cave (which I'll post about tomorrow) and visited Cumberland Falls. Here is Westin's list of items that were needed for our planned projects, which included an obstacle course, balloon bombs (inflate with flour inside), and hollowing out a book for a secret hiding spot:

Rope, Balloon, Eggs, Book

The weather was also a nice break from the current California drought. It was surprising to see fields of well-mowed grass, only to find out that nobody had a sprinkler system to keep it green!

On our plane flight home we flew into Houston and saw the recent flood damage from the air. We had a tandem landing with another plane, where we both came into separate runways at the same time.

The Meaning of "Clean"

As I have grown in age (and wisdom?) I have learned that the word "clean" is a subjective word. One person cleans their car with soap, wax, and a vacuum then dries it with a towel. Another cleans their car with a spray of water. Which one cleaned it?

Nowhere is there a greater divide in the meaning of "clean" than the meaning assumed by men and the meaning dictated by women. Of course I'm speaking stereotypically, but still this great divide between the sexes has been untouched by both politicians and stand-up comics alike ... until now. For instance, take a humble, dirty shower:

In preparation for Mothers' Day, Alisha didn't ask for anything big. She said "What I want for Mothers' Day is for you to clean our shower". Clean a shower? Aren't showers self-cleaning with all of the soap and water that gets rinsed through them daily? What she was referring to was some mold that had developed in the silicone sealer, which she wanted me to replace. After a few hours of work I got the job done and here's the result:

Quite the difference! (yes, that's the same picture). What I am getting at is the difference between how a man views cleaning and how a woman views cleaning. As a man when I look at whether something is "clean" I stand 3-5 feet away. If I can't see much dirt then it is clean. Basically, the man's definition of clean simplifies down to:

"If someone touches it, will they get sick or dusty?"

If the answer to that question is "no" then the item is clean. The woman's definition is vastly different. When a woman considers whether an item is clean, the question she asks herself is:

"If a hotel inspector came to my house and had 30 minutes to look around, would they give it any less than a five-star rating?"

If the answer to that question is "no" then the item is clean. If the woman in this hypothetical scenario would receive any less than five stars, then the item is dirty and must be cleaned. As if that's not enough, there is an even more stringent definition of clean that rears its head on occasion. That definition is called a "deep clean".

Tile counters are notorious for their needing a deep cleaning

A deep clean occurs when the traditional surface cleaner won't suffice against the solitary germ or crumb that the woman knows is there but just can't see. Deep cleaning involves complications like bleach, ammonia, heavy-duty rubber gloves, and sometimes even a mask. Basically, it's a mini-re-enactment of your final semester in high school chemistry, but without the pink tardy slips or having to memorize what the molecular weight of Bromine is. (hint: it's slightly less than Krypton, which actually exists outside of Superman comics)

Once a surface or area of the room is deep-cleaned, it is off-limits for all human contact until sufficient time has been given for dust to gather and return the area to a livable level. Think of that area of your house as if it were one large guest-towel: if nobody has used it yet, you can't either. If anyone has used it, then it is in need of a cleaning. Thus, the vicious cycle repeats.

The next time you pitch in to help with cleaning duties, make sure you clarify what result you're going for. If you stand 3-5 feet away and say "It looks clean to me!", now you'll know why your wife rolled her eyes at you and got out the bleach.

Coffee Table

Over the past week and a half, we've been working on a new project. We had the following coffee table, but over time the shape wasn't what we wanted. Even though it was very unique, it didn't fit with the other "unique" stuff in our living room:

Since we like antiques (or things that look like antiques), Alisha came up with the idea of building a coffee table that looked old. We thought about making the wood look distressed or possibly using industrial pipe, but we settled on making a replication shop cart that would look something like the following:

We didn't have any actual antique wheels, so we wanted to get something that looked close. After looking around on ebay for some wheels that had the right look for a good price. We didn't find any, because most were either too small or cost about $40/wheel. Then we got the idea to go to Denio's, our local flea market, to look for some wheels. With some luck, we found these which Alisha promptly painted black to give them a cast iron look:

We also painted some metal corner braces to match. We got some lumber to build the body of the cart, then I went to work measuring, cutting, and nailing:

Last, Alisha stained the cart to be a darker wood that would match our cabinets and desk. Here's the final result: